No rapture

Okay, I know they’re two of the hippest authors around; Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman, that is. I know so because my in-house authority on everything cool (aka teenage daughter) has assured me so. I even heard Neil Gaiman speak at the Printers Row Lit Festival in June, and liked him a lot. He was self effacing, dressed in black (the color of the entire contents of my closet, also), and reassuringly middle aged. He had some good jokes, too, although I’ve since seen the same ones at venues all over the internet. So, the guy recognizes a good thing (in fact, several good things) when he sees it. In the weeks after the Lit Fest, I saw him here, there and everywhere. Was I just being hyper-aware? No, he gets his name and face around as much as Obama on campaign—okay, maybe I’m just a tad jealous of his promotion machine.

With great trembling and anticipation, therefore, I picked up Good Omens, which my authority cites as a cult classic. No, actually, my daughter insisted I would be hopelessly déclassé (yes she uses words like that) if I did not instantly consume it. Read it I did, all 367 pages, and the month and a half it took me to force myself to finish it seemed longer than waiting for the Second Coming. It’s a so-clever novel about the Apocalypse (wink) which you’re not supposed to figure out right away unless you’re a teen (wink, wink) or a 50 something writer who’s seen this kind of “clever” for about 45 years now. Oh, and the good angel has some faults (wink, wink, wink) and the bad angel isn’t so bad (wink). I got all that by, maybe, page 20. Then, for 347 more pages I have to trail these guys around England while they do absolutely nothing, have no character arc, and nobody in the book has the slightest human appeal. Pratchett and Gaiman must have developed serious ticks by now from all that winking. I do get to figure out who are the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and other stuff that’s so obvious my Giant Schnauzer could spot it.

My opinions on this book naturally elicited a huge sigh and significant eye rolling from world’s foremost authority. However, there is one thing I’m very grateful for—I’m going straight to heaven. I already did my time in purgatory.